My emotions/thoughts have been stripped of anything physical/sensual/sexual. Every waking moment, from walking to the bathroom, riding the bus to work, eating, running, has been in prayer and repenting to God for my sins. For wronging Him. Thanking Him for washing me pure as snow. For loving me when I should be condemned and forgotten. He has not forsaken me.

Having my thoughts stripped away has given me clarity especially on the ones I hold close to my heart, ESP EYP. No cloudiness if my emotions were fueled on true love or if it was merely based on a sensual experience (touch, physical prescence, boundaries, etc). I’m back to square one. Back to the beginning of the yearning I have that we grow in Christ and that’s the main objective. Lost sight and became complacent. What a dangerous game that is.

Praying that EYP finds God in this time. Pray that my sins I placed on her, any misjudgment or lack of integrity and character could be forgiven. That she uses this time to grow in faith with God, to rely only on him. To realize that, even if I’m a spiritual leader, it’s not me but God that’s the leader. I’m not perfect. Only through Gods mercy and grace can I come remotely close to anything called or hinted at the word perfect. Only God is perfect.

Ookay foreals study now.